The Miracle Question: Why Deciding What You Want is the Hardest Step
Some of the books that have had the greatest impact on my life and well-being have not been mental health or spiritual in nature at all. They were books on finance and budgeting that I found out of necessity rather than curiosity. The first was Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover; while it helped me think about money differently, I found some of the content a bit dated. This eventually led me to Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You to be Rich, which I discovered through his Netflix show.
I bring this up because it leads me to the topic I want to use to launch this blog. It’s an idea I first explored in Sethi’s book, but I’ve seen it in many other forms: if you want to live a “perfect life” and realize your dreams, you must first decide what it means to live that life.
You get to choose exactly what it looks like. You can be as humble or extravagant as you want. Personally, I am very happy living a humble, low-key life, and my dreams reflect that. But you must choose what it is you want and write it down.
The Miracle Question
In the therapy business, we call this the Miracle Question. It goes like this:
“If you were to wake up tomorrow and suddenly all of your troubles were gone, and you were able to live exactly how you wanted, what would that look like?”
The number of people completely stumped by this is astounding. Many struggle to even imagine a perfect life. Simply wrapping our minds around the possibility takes work—much less believing it's possible or doing the work to get there.
When people do answer, it’s often quite simple: “I just want a stable job and a loving family.” Once we see through the noise and doubt, what we want is often obtainable. But the first step to realizing a dream is deciding what that dream actually is.
Breaking the Spiral of Doubt
In the accompanying journal for I Will Teach You to be Rich, Sethi asks: “What would your rich life look like?” I gave this question to my partner so we could fill it out together, and it sent her into a spiral.
“What if I can never accomplish it?”
“What if I’m too broken to get there?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”
Before she had even answered the question, she had already failed.
Answering the question isn't easy. We must muster the energy to push aside past experiences, trauma, and pain to answer the damn question: What sort of life do you want?
Moving from Problems to Solutions
Too often, we aren't stuck because we are incapable. We are stuck because we’ve been too caught up solving problems—either our own or everyone else's (our spouses, children, bosses, or clients).
If we spend all our time thinking about problems, we choose to live inside the limitations of those problems. I sometimes encourage my clients to spend less time talking about their problems and more time talking about solutions. (I know, a crazy thing to hear from your therapist).
Our moments on this earth are limited and precious. If we only see problems, we spend our entire lives there. Instead, I hope we can all learn to find our solutions—to find our dreams.
My Dream Started Here
For me, I dreamed of writing. I dreamed of sharing my innermost thoughts and contemplations with the outside world. I am committing to that by starting this blog. Thank you for allowing me to begin realizing my dreams.
Now it’s your turn.
What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do but have held yourself back from?
What is one step you can take today that will get you closer to that reality?
Get at it. I’ll see you on the other side.
Answering the 'Miracle Question' can be overwhelming to do alone. If you'd like a space to explore what comes next, let’s connect.
